DoubleVet

What does it mean to lead? I do not mean managing people or being a boss, but truly leading others. Should leadership always look the same, or should it adapt to circumstances? How do we lead when everything is going smoothly compared to when it feels like everything is falling apart?

Leadership is hard. It is both the most important skill in life and one of the hardest to cultivate. It can be lonely. It can make you unpopular. But it is vital. After more than a decade in various leadership roles, the one truth I hold onto is this: you must lead through love. If you are motivated by anything else, you will eventually fail, and people will stop following you. Every interaction must be rooted in compassion, empathy, and the willingness to stand in someone else’s shoes.

Haim Ginott, a teacher and psychologist, captured this idea in his piece The Decisive Element:

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” 

I want to unpack this quote to show how being “the decisive element” supports leading through love.

Ginott notes that “it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized.” He would have made an excellent Stoic. Stoicism teaches that we cannot control events, but we can control our response. A Stoic leader chooses calm, measured, uplifting responses that strengthen others. Bad things will happen. Life will knock you down. The question is: can you respond with composure and rally those around you?

Ginott also writes of his “tremendous power” to inspire or to harm. His description as a “frightening conclusion” is apt, because this power carries immense responsibility. We all have it. A kind word can change someone’s day; a careless one can crush them. Leaders especially must wield their words carefully. There are times for tough, honest conversations, but even then, they must be grounded in respect. And leadership doesn’t stop at work; it is constant. We lead with friends, family, strangers, even in small interactions like ordering coffee. Everyone deserves quality leadership.

Finally, Ginott warns: “If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

This reminds me of an experience in veterinary school. During a tough surgery rotation, one classmate repeatedly overslept and missed her responsibilities, leaving the rest of us scrambling. After the third instance of this student oversleeping, I called to check in on her. She answered and admitted she had taken too much melatonin but otherwise seemed fine.

More than a year later, I received a letter from her. She revealed she had been struggling with severe mental health issues and said that my simple phone call (something I barely remembered) helped her through that dark time and may have even saved her life.

I don’t share this story to praise myself. I have often failed as a leader and said things I regret. I share it because it illustrates how even small gestures can have enormous impact. We are all the decisive element. Leaders can choose love over anger, healing over harm. Our words and actions may affect others in ways we never realize — potentially even saving a life. And leading through love is what it truly means to lead.

Ducere per Amorem – Tom Console